Inside Mrs. B's Classroom #5

"A world-class education is the single most important factor in determining not just whether our kids can compete for the best jobs, but whether American can out-compete countries around the world. America's business leaders understand that when it comes to education, we need to up our game. That's why we're working together to put an outstanding education within reach for every child." ~President Obama July 18, 2011

Education is the key. A good education leads to better jobs, which leads to a better economy. It's a cycle prone to success. But violence and other stressors are getting in the way of this and worsen the education available for the children of America. These children are our future and they need to be provided with the best of the best. The nation is taking action and trying to motivate states to improve the education and decrease the violence. Illinois is one of many that is competing for the Race to the Top grant. The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act also invests in education by funding early learning programs and reform, stabilizing state education budgets, and making college affordable. Teacher preparation and requirements have also become stricter to ensure that children are learning from the best. These recent efforts towards education simultaneously decrease the violence. Organizations like Cease Fire, non-government run, play a big role and have lowered crime by 40-45%. Cease Fire is a group of ex-convicts and former gang members that find kids in potential danger and resolve the issue at that moment. There are so many actions and efforts to decrease Chicago violence and improve the education.

The school in which Baldacci taught at is clearly not thriving, but teachers like Baldacci provide hope for change and improvement. Baldacci was always dedicated and striving to help the children personally and academically. She understood that the future of the nation was in the hands of these children. Each day she was fighting a battle in the classroom, while her students fought a more real battle outside of school. She made the sacrifice to become a teacher and she was not going to give up. Baldacci continued to teach for the rest of her life. 

Inside Mrs. B's Classroom #4

Baldacci made me realize that being a teacher is more than difficult. She was not supported by her employees and mentors. No one cared about her. She was all alone. By  the end of the day, she was often in tears. How was she supposed to teach a zoo? She needed new teaching methods in order to be a successful teacher. At one point,  she rearranged the room with assigned seating. They hated it, but she explained that she was the queen of room 118. She explained that she had conference forms ready for anyone who did not behave, requesting a parent conference the next morning before school. The children were obviously not in favor of these new rules, but discipline needed to be enforced. The violent behavior needed to come to an end. It was detrimental to the learning. Few were able to stay engaged, motor and language skills worsened, and many had problems with their peers. It was becoming a cycle prone to failure and she was taking measures to stop it.

This reminded me of my Greek Evening School kindergarten class. This year I have been employed as a teacher's aide and have gained an experience few education majors have at my age. I learn from my mentors and see the classroom in a whole different perspective. In a class of 18, there are eight trouble makers and three pairs of twins. One trouble maker feeds off the other. However, we are limited on space which affects mine and the teacher's ability to control the class. They do not have separate desks, but work at tables. There is rarely a minute of silence. Someone is always talking, screaming, complaining, or laughing. I know my class is not as bad as Baldacci's, but dealing with 18 kids is enough to feel empathy and understand her pain. I try to teach in ways where they interact with one another. My mentor is older, now in her 60s, and teaches with older methods which I have noticed are not exactly most effective with this generation of children. She often says something and the class repeats after her. But they don't understand what they are saying, which is the main problem. Teaching methods always need to be refined for each student in order for them to learn and be successful. For the future, I know that each person learns differently and that you need to find something that works in order to build off of it. Reading this novel and being a teacher's aide has opened my eyes and mind, preparing me for the future when I, too, will have a classroom of my own.

Inside Mrs. B's Classroom #3

“This is what school means to these kids. It’s their safe haven. So when you find out what chaos these children are coming from, consider where they have been when they have a hard time settling down to learn in your classrooms” (143).


After many months of teaching and trying to calm her 30-some students down to learn, Baldacci realized that their behavior was not exactly their fault. Their exposure to violence effected their behavior, caused peer problems, and low academic achievement. No one really encouraged the children to learn or succeed. Some teachers were giving up. They thought it was hopeless. Baldacci is one teacher that never gave up on her students. She believed that change was possible, that academic achievement was attainable, that the lives of these young children could be turned around. She noticed that these kids were living in a war zone. Few lived with both parents at home and many lived in foster homes and had no money for food. School provided them with food. If the school closed, the children would starve. This was their "safe haven" as Baldacci describes it. This was the only place they can act their age and she began to understand that. She tried to relate to them and support them because for many no one was there for them at home. She began to learn things about them she had never imagined. For example, one of her students told her she would never have a boyfriend because she was raped at the age of six. She was creating a special bond with them. Baldacci loved these kids, no matter how uncooperative they were some days. By the end of the year, she noted a decrease in behavioral problems and dramatic increase in academic achievement. She had taught them to resolve their problems face to face, in agreement, or through letters. She tried teaching them how to be real men and women, warriors against the violence of their community. They were growing into young men and women as their knowledge increased. She was giving them assignments that interested them. She had reading corners and read aloud to them each and every day. They saw movie versions of books and wrote papers about their identity. They were a hit at the Christmas program and won at the science fair. By the end of the year, almost all test scores improved. Baldacci was transforming these kids and improving their lives. She was succeeding in her mission as a teacher.

Inside Mrs. B's Classroom #2

Mrs. B created an assignment in which they listened to a few songs by Marvin Gaye. She asked: What things that Marvin Gaye protested against in 1971 are still problems today?

Here are some responses:
      "I think Marvin Gaye was saying 'Stop the violdence.' Nowadays, people are killing for the fun of it."
      "Things are still the same--hatred, killing robberies. I think things are never going to change"
      "Marvin Gaye is trying to set things right. He's trying to like send a message tothe parents and children to let them do the right thing."
      "Marvin Gaye was right. Too many people are dying. I think the boy was wrong, trying to take somebody's life away."

The fact that children were able to draw lines connecting the song to their lives is progress. It moved me that they recognized that the violence was only hurting them, their family, and friends. It is tragic that one student wrote "I think things are never going to change." There is no hope in some parts of Chicago; they think change is impossible. Children of America are instilled with fear and this exposure of violence only worsens the effects. These children are used to the violence and "killing for the fun" causing them to also act outwardly with violence. Violence becomes a way of life. They don't like living like this, yet they don't act and try to change their way of life. They don't understand that "it takes a real man to walk away from a fight." It takes real courage to fight back passively. It pains me to read about the truth and the reality, the lives of these kids. My life and their life are polar opposites. I would do anything to help them fight the violence and evil they are exposed to.

Inside Mrs. B's Classroom #1

The autobiography reminds me of the movie The Freedom Writers. A teacher documents her time as a teacher of a poverty-struck Chicago city school. First, she explains how she was a journalist of Sun Times and that she made the decision to act upon what she preached. She explains how it is so tragic that everyone says they are going to help the education of the Chicago public schools, but nothing ever happens. Mrs. B wanted to change that, so she left journalism and began researching the requirements to become a teacher. In the mean time, she received hundreds of calls and letters through the mail supporting her decision. Many called her a hero; she did not receive one bad review.


The more she looked into the Chicago schools, the more determination she had to make a difference as a teacher. She described the school as a “microcosm of the neighborhood. Pregnancy, drugs and alcohol were part of the life experience of children thirteen and fourteen years old. Parents had their own issues. Lives were consumed by the relentless stress and woe of poverty. Violence was omnipresent. The summer before, a serial killer had murdered prostitutes and left their bodies in abandoned houses. Gang shootings claimed players and innocents alike. Every family, it seemed, bore the scars of victims or perpetrators” (5). These kids were her heroes; they grew up being exposed to violence. These children had to be strong for their family and many raised themselves and their siblings alone. These children were warriors. 


The children makes me sympathize and appreciate my life. I never had to worry about gangs or violence on a daily basis. I have an amazing school district that ranks high. These children would do anything to have my life, yet here I was often complaining about how my my life "sucked." Baldacci opened my eyes to the real world.

My Identity

The United States of America is known as the country of opportunity, freedom, and diversity. In the early 1900s, U.S. was characterized as the “melting pot,” due to the wide range of cultures, religions, and race of its new citizens. At the end of the 19^th century, Greeks were settling in America, primarily in the urban setting that Chicago, New York, and other smaller cities offered.  Greeks, at first, were considered a minority and settled for the low-paying job. But after years and years of Americanization, brutal treatment, and wars, Greeks finally established themselves, creating a close-knit community, while staying involved with the rest of the world. The U.S. is one of many countries that Hellenes have immigrated to and it is crucial that the Greek culture and religion does not weaken as generations pass.

            This summer, participating in a special session of the “Hellenic Parliament of Youth,” I realized how many students of Hellenic descent lived in various regions of the world. I had the privilege to meet and create friendships with finalists that lived in the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Germany, Belgium, Hungary, Israel, Egypt, Sudan, Ethiopia, Congo, South Africa, and Australia. We shared stories and learned about each others’ birthplace and culture. All of us were trying to maintain our language, culture, and heritage. There were many similarities among us, but our lifestyles and experiences were very diverse. We defied national borders and connected the dots around the world with our common bond.

            This extraordinary experience has taught me the importance of maintaining a culture and heritage, while respecting other cultures and individuals from every background. This helps us grow as better citizens and individuals, becoming more tolerant and united as a nation that encourages diversity. Former President Bill Clinton emphasized the importance of an interdependent world, believing that “what we have in common is more important than our interesting differences. And the only way to celebrate and make the most of our differences is to get rich out of our differences.” We, too, are interdependent, yet I never understood this until now. This common thread brings the world together and defines who we are – being of Greek descent shapes my life and will hopefully shape children of other generations as well.

            Each year my eyes open wider and I see the world in a newer light. Working as a teacher’s aid for a Greek School, I have noticed a tremendous change between my parent’s generation, my generation, and the children in the classroom. I have detected a decreasing pride and care for being of Hellenic descent. I find this very tragic because everyone should embrace their ancestry, history, culture, heritage, and religion. By doing so, one is unique and has a defined identity. In order to retain this for generations to come, children need to be exposed to Greek Orthodoxy and Hellenism. One needs to be educated and attend Greek School. It is crucial to speak the beautiful, Greek language, and know the history of our ancestors and homeland, and that Greece was the birthplace of philosophers, democratic ideas, and art. One should embrace the unique, Greek culture and practice Greek Orthodoxy. One should attend church services regularly; celebrate Orthodox holidays; chant the Xristos Anesti hymn; dance traditional Greek dances; keep detailed, Greek architecture alive; read classic literature like The Iliad and The Odyssey; participate in annual Greek parades in the city; attend concerts of popular artists; visit museums; visit Greece, the homeland and birthplace of many ideas. One must strengthen their identity for the following generations and not be afraid of being different. A true Greek is a proud Greek that retains a religious and ethnic identity. Action needs to be taken in order for Hellenism to flourish and thrive, because there is no better feeling than to appreciate your original roots.

A new chapter begins

The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. This will be my new home in a little less than four months. It will transform into another home away from home. I never thought this would be my final decision, the University I choose to attend. I am more of a close-to-home and small classes kind of girl, so I am afraid for this upcoming fall, but also eager.

I will miss my family and friends tremendously, but I know I'm only a hop-skitch away. I know I will have the perfect college experience and won't regret my college decision. I am sure of this. When I visited, the environment felt perfect. It immediately clicked and I knew that this was where I wanted to spend the next four years of my life. It's a big step for me, for I have never been away from my family, but I am excited to live on my own and be independent. I am ready to start this new chapter of my life.

A Bell

The image of Simone, the 8-year old I babysit, with me on a Sunday afternoon comes to mind when I think of a ringing or unknown bell. . .

There she is, ordering around her younger siblings, telling them how to play a game that she simultaneously creating with her imagination. I see the power and control in her. She orders Noelle, "You stand there and throw to Solo. But you have to throw it hard." Noelle follows her orders and throws the ball.

We are all riding our bikes, down the street, laughing and enjoying the wind in our face. But it's a cloudy day and the sun is hidden. It's going to rain. Yet Simone looks around and states, "It's beautiful out." Though naive to say so, she had unconsciously recognized the natural, pure beauty of the world. Everything was beautiful.

She speeds up. She screams back to me, "I'm going 100 miles per hour!" I chuckled. Her eyes were wide and filled with excitement. I can feel her heart beating in me. She was free and alive.

It's bed time. I dress Noelle and Simone dresses Solo. I put each of them to bed and kiss them good night. But it is Simone who always gets the last word, the last good night kiss, the last "I love you." Her love is so powerful and each day it grows and strengthens. She saw that family was important, that they would always be by your side no matter what.

Now it's her bed time. She's reading her book in bed, flipping page by page, fully immersed in the story. She enters into another world of art, without even knowing it. She knows that "art is life and life is art" (Hannah Goldstein).

She is a lively, ringing bell and she doesn't even know it. She teaches me everything I need to know about life.

I'll miss you!

Yesterday in traffic, returning home from a doctor’s appointment, I began reading excerpts of essays, poems, and written responses from English class. I began telling my mom about how moving English class was with our exploding reading of “Things I Didn’t Know I Loved.” I read the poem, shared why it resonated with me and why the experience in class was so heartrending. I even read my response that I prepared for class. I couldn’t utter how much I loved the class. At one point my mom sarcastically said, “And you thought you hated poetry…” It was pretty ironic that I was reading this poem to my mom because I hadn’t realized that a part of me did love poetry. I always would tell people I hated poetry. Yet here I was stuttering due to my excitement and moving experience I wanted to share. Poetry has never been my favorite, and is always dreaded for homework, but yesterday I realized that I have always had a secret passion for poetry.

Looking though my poetry notebook, I realize that I have written some amazing pieces of analysis due to this secret passion for poetry. Loving something allows you to put more effort into it. Therefore, the analyses of poems that resonated with me are very detailed and well written. I can pinpoint four poems that have been most helpful to me during my study of poetry. The first poem being “The Things I Didn’t Know I Loved.” I learned to appreciate and love the small things I never did a year ago from today. The poet states, “At eighteen our lives are what we value least.” He was right that we don’t appreciate much, but now that I am soon graduating and moving on with my life, I have realized that I am going to miss all these small details that make this my home. I’ll miss coming home to a loud house with my brother’s music blasting and my mom on the phone. I’ll miss sliding across the hardwood floor each time I walk from the mudroom to the kitchen. I’ll miss the mornings I tip-toe into my brother’s or dad’s room to steal their over-sized sweatshirts to wear to school. I’ll miss my four mile run that feels as if I’m running into the wilderness. It’s the small things that I never knew I loved, until I realized that I won’t have these trivial things in my life next year at college. This poem has taught me to appreciate and love. In this case, I never knew I loved poetry.

I realized today that I am going to miss Senior AP English. I am going to miss the poem-a-day and the intellectual, moving discussions we have. I am going to miss the days that I, along with others, try to hold back the tears. I am going to miss the mandatory reading and poetry assignments. AP English has made me a better student and person. I have learned to read and write better, especially in regards to poetry. I have learned how to read and analyze a poem. Looking at my first entry, I notice that I paid too close attention on the particulars and was not able to grasp the larger idea. I was thrown off track several of times in my writing. Now, with plenty of practice and class discussions, I have grown and can write very direct, meaningful responses. I am able to relate the lesson each poem relays to my own life and learn from it. At the beginning of the year I would naturally bypass the lesson the poem is teaching, but now it causes me to reflect and act upon it. I can say poetry was life-changing, but that would be too dramatic. However, I can truthfully say that poetry has affected me positively, especially in this last academic semester. I have discovered that I enjoy reading and hearing poetry, even analyzing it if I find a connection to the poem. I find that analyzing the poem creates a strong bond between me and the poet. It feels as if the poet speaks directly to me—“You must change your life” (“Archaic Torso of Apollo”), “[You] must have/ the stubbornness to accept gladness in the ruthless/ furnace of this world” (“A Brief for the Defense”), “At eighteen our lives are what we value least” (“The Things I Didn’t Know I Loved”). I hope to start reading poetry leisurely because it teaches me how to live my life. I know there is a large chance I won’t continue on with poetry, but I hope I fall in that small chance. I hope my secret passion for poetry will grow stronger, for it will guide me each day of my life.

"Things I Didn't Know I Loved" by Nazim Hikmet

“I know we live slightly longer than a horse but not nearly as long as a crow

I know this has troubled people before

                                 And will trouble those after me

I know all this has been said a thousand times before

                                  And will be said after me”

At a young age we learn to respect and listen to our elders. It becomes natural, a no brainer. I remember being told that "your elders have the best wisdom because they have lived and experienced life.” They have loved, they have regretted, they have sacrificed, they have made mistakes, they have flourished. We only live one life, a certain amount of years, and everyone wants to live it to its fullest, and live it right. But there is no right way to live. My pappou, grandpa in Greek, told me this the other day. We were talking about college and what I want to pursue. He could tell I was troubled and stressed about balancing my studies, activities, family, and friends. He stopped me mid-sentence and told me to take a deep breath, that everything was going to be okay. I inhaled, then exhaled. I did this three times. Before I knew it, my stress level had decreased dramatically. My pappou then tilted my head up, looked me in the eye. He told me, “Life isn’t a bed of roses, but I know you will succeed in anything you do in life because I believe in you, you believe in you, and your family and friends believe in you. I have never seen you put less than 100% effort. And if you make a mistake, learn from it. You only have a certain amount of years to live, don’t waste them.” He repeated that last part again, “You only have a certain amount of years to live, don’t waste them.” This conversation seemed like one I would see in a movie because me and my pappou aren’t too close, but this was real and he was trying to help me live and love my life.

            This senior year was a roller coaster, I had my ups and my downs. I made mistakes, chose not to learn from them, and made the same ones several more times. I was getting to a low, and that is when I learned from my mistakes and began to change. It’s been two months now and now I truly understand what my pappou was telling me. “You only have a certain amount of years to live, don’t waste them.” I want to live my life to its fullest, without regrets. I want to take risks and challenge myself. I want to live a life full of happiness and love. I want to start appreciating even the trivial things in life. That simple thank you for dinner can be seen as a start. That extra effort to say hello or help a friend will only bring love and happiness to me. I want to live a life worth remembering. So, every day I am trying to live by my pappou’s wise words. I am trying to live my life, and not just go through the motions.

Live and Learn

AP English has impacted my year tremendously. I take the class very seriously because a part of it is teaching me how to live. My parents and I have noted a visible change in my thoughts and actions. I have learned that everything is beautiful, no matter how trivial it may seem. I have learned to love and acknowledge my love for something. I am now able to boldly state the things I love. I have learned that love is something so powerful, especially agape. I have learned to open my eyes, to see better. I am afraid that I will not see well and wrong someone I love, but I know that I can only hope for the best and try my hardest. I have learned the implications of power and how it can be misused. I have learned that the wisdom is in the young and it is up to the elderly to take it into account. I have learned that everything is in the particular, and that the small details will forever enlighten and be meaningful. This isn’t even half of what I learned. I cannot put to words everything I have gained from this course, but I know that it has given me hope and inspiration for the next four years in college.

This wasn’t an ordinary Senior English class. It was a lot more. According to my experience in this course, I would name it “Live and Learn.” I have learned so many things that have helped me understand my past, present, and future. It gave me the extra push, hope, and inspiration when I came to my so-called low this year. My life is worth living and I have come to actually believe that. I realize that I have a greater appreciation for the little things, and that I have learned to love these small things. This course helped me see better—myself, others, and everything surrounding me. I am ready to put what I have learned into action, without the guidance of my fellow classmates and Mr. Berger-White. I will truly miss this class.

My Traitor's Heart

Rian Malan is brilliant and bold for writing such a moving, real book on the apartheid in South Africa. It is gripping and each cruel story keeps me reading. Just finishing the book, I was especially touched by the following passage:

"I realized that love, even if it ends in defeat, gives you a kind of honor; but without love, you have no honor at all. I think that is what I had misunderstood all my life. Love is to enable you to transcend defeat" (344).

Every man on Earth wants to be remembered, want to leave a legacy behind. It is not the ultimate goal, but most strive to leave their mark on the world with something memorable, unique. No one wants to be "Gone and Forgotten" like Andries Hendricks in the book. We want to be remembered by our good deeds. To leave the world with a bad impression is sad and a shame because many people heave the tendency to focus on the bad rather than the good. And for this sole reason, people have been raised to love. We learned to love our neighbor, love our community, love the world, and even love your enemy. We find that love can create passions through experience. Love is something so powerful, and many fail to appreciate the magnitude love instills. We try to love the differences among us, and some fail to do so. In God's eyes, we are perfect. So love one another.

Love in South Africa isn't so easy. During the apartheid, love seemed unreasonable and difficult. How could you love your neighbor? Love you community? Love your enemy? Love yourself? How could I love my neighbor if he didn't love me back? How could i love another of a different race? How could I love one that my ancestors despised, hated? How can i love such a community with immense amounts of fear? How could i love my enemy if he is trying to kill me, my family, and friends? How could I love myself for not trying to make things better? How can i love myself when i kill? When i hate someone solely for his/her differences? how can i love myself if i hate my morals? If I am part of an inevitable past? How can i love when i live in such a country ruled by fear and hate?

South Africans are held back and feel as if they cannot love. This is tragic, saddening, disappointing, and frustrating. Love seems like such an easy thing, but when you are put in such and environment where it isn't as welcomed, it's not so easy anymore. You walk the streets in fear, with your head down. How can you possibly love? And how can you possibly love someone you have been raised to hate? How can you love such a divided country? Every South African has every reason to hate, to fear, to not love. . . or so it seems. But love is exactly what they need. Creina and Neil Alock loved. Their love was so powerful that they were known to be the first white South Africans to "come home to stay" (349). People need to learn from them and use this love, for it is powerful. Love will better the situation, will "transcend defeat."

Prama

Prama. In other words, prom drama. To all the senior guys out there, stop being rude. Prom is for mainly seniors. It is SENIOR Prom. Key word, senior. This year so many boys are asking girls younger than them to prom. But what about the senior girls? Senior girls are not being asked becuase senior boys are choosing to ask those younger instead. But why??? This is what girls look forward to. Prom is the last time the whole grade is united. So why ask people in other grades? I understand if you are dating, but if not please ask a senior girl. And only if you can't find a senior girl to ask, you could ask someone younger. Boys, it is a slap in each senior girl's face if you choose to ask someone else. It doesn't matter if you aren't hooking up or dating the senior girl. Go as friends! This is the last time seniors are together! Just think about it before you ask someone younger. Think before you act boys...
Shout out to Jack Silberman. Prom 2012 wooooo

Affirmative Action

When we were first assigned to rank each applicant to a college, I thought it was easy. I started with the students with the highest GPAs and SAT scores. I ranked them accordingly. But then I realized that I didn't even take into account their extracurricular activities, involvement, and leadership and service roles. So I started from scratch again. I realized all their GPAs ranged from a 3.5-4.0. These were all amazing GPAs! How was I supposed to pick? I began weighing their activities and experience more than the GPA and SAT score. I took the academics into account when ranking the applicants, but the experience became a larger factor. I then realized that two students were tied in my opinion; one student was of a minority, and the other was white. I picked the minority. But why did I do this? Why did some of my peers act the same way?

Race often becomes a factor in the admissions process. A part of me finds this wrong and unfair, but a part of me finds this completely understandable and beneficial. If students of different race are accepted into the university, the school becomes more diverse. This ultimately adds to a unique college experience. Classes and discussions might be veered in different, better directions. Students may begin to exhibit what people label "color blind" by interacting and building strong friendships with those of a minority. Race can clearly be beneficial in a college environment.

But there's always that counterargument that shows how unfair it is to take affirmative action. First off, one might argue that there are other differences among students that satisfy diversity needs. Harvard noticed this and took students from all around the nation. According to Harvard, "Diversity meant students from California, New York, and Massachusetts; city dwellers and farm boys; violinists, painters, and football player; biologists, historians, and classicists; potential stockbrokers, academics and politicians." They are completely right, but race is just one more type of diversity.  


Race can transform a university. In California vs. Bakke a special type of admission was added to the university, to incorporate students of different race to the school. This specific admission had lower academic standards and whites were not allowed to apply here. Justice Powell indicated the three major flaws of this system: "First, it may not always be clear that a so-called preference is in fact benign. . . Second, preferential programs may only reinforce common stereotypes holding that certain groups are unable to achieve success without special protection. . . Third, there is a measure of inequity in forcing innocent persons in respondent's position to bear the burdens of redressing grievances not of their making." I find the University's admission process to be very unfair and bias. Minorities are assumed to not be as intelligent as whites, and whites are automatically assumed to be more intelligent and smarter. But what the university has not considered is that many successful schools have a diverse student body and all students academically thrive. The University should have one admission process for fairness and to maintain the quality of the school.


University of Michigan also counted race as a large factor in admission. The process functioned as a point system. There were a set amount of points given for specific activities, extracurricular, experiences, leadership and service roles, academics, etc. But what I found interesting is that race played a large factor in this point system. A student of a minority was given 20 points just for the sake of being a minority, whereas the admission essay was worth only three points. I don't understand how this is fair. Yes, the 20 points account for the disadvantages of most of the minorities, but I believe it shouldn't be weighed as much. I like the point system, but the University should reconsider the weight of certain values.

Race should be a factor in college admission, but it shouldn't be a big determining factor. Race definitely should be a factor, but only to an extent. Everything, including academics and outside experience and activities, should be considered first. Then race can be revealed a play a factor. The fact that whites argue that this is unfair can seem abhorring. Minorities have so much more to deal with, so much more to struggle with and whites ignore this fact. Minorities often attend schools that don't have support, or aren't academically to the high standards of white schools. This needs to be taken into account. But the common white person forgets this small, but important factor because we are selfish. We all are selfish and fail to recognize that we are privileged, that we always get the benefit of the doubt. Tim Wise expresses this idea in "Whites Swim in Racial Preference." He states, "We strike the pose of self-sufficiency while ignoring the advantages we have been afforded in every realm of activity: housing, education, employment, criminal justice, politics, banking and business. We ignore the fact that at almost every turn, our hard work has been met with access to an opportunity structure denied to millions of others." I agree with Tim Wise. Take Deerfield for example. Our student body is white dominated and we are a very strong school academically. Now take Deerfield and compare it to a public city-school. There is obviously more diversity, but the quality of the school is also lower than that of Deerfield's. Race needs to be a factor in admission in order to give everyone a fair opportunity, but some universities need to re-evaluate their admission process and need to make sure to weigh race appropriately. Affirmative action is very complex, and can be looked upon in various ways.

Friends are Forever

Last week, a body was found in the Park ridge Forest Preserve, fifty feet from the sidewalk. The body's hands and face were decomposed and there was a wound in the head. A few days later the body was identified. John Tsichlis, husband and father of three sons. Investigators then declared that he died of a self-inflicted wound, suicide. The middle child, Louie Tsichlis, 18 years old, is my good friend, now a friend who has to grieve the loss of his role model, best friend, and hero--his father.

I first heard of Louie's loss through facebook. He had written a long status expressing his feelings and how he was going to stay strong for his family. He stated: "My father raised his family with the most passion and love imaginable. Who would have known that all our amazing moments would suddenly end. . . One day I will be healed, but will forever live with the scar of a loss that will make me always remember how much I loved my father, and how much he loved his family and me. . . I promise myself and my family that I will be stronger than ever to fight through this indescribable pain and stay proud to who I am. My pride will make me strong, knowing that my father will always be looking down from Heaven at me, as proud of me as I was of him." To see a friend in such pain breaks my heart. I have been there for him, always trying to provide an escape or someone to talk to. However, when I am back at home I fall weak at the knees as someone mentions the loss. I cry for my friend; I cry for his family; I pray for them and his father, hoping they can overcome this pain. I have lost my grandma and others close to me, but to lose a father is nothing comparable to what I have experienced. I cannot dictate and put words to my feelings for Louie and his family. I pray that he will stay strong and turn to others, including myself, when in need. I am always here for you Louie.

This same week, a few days later, Apostolos Kougias passed away. A husband, father, grandfather, and friend. My friend Theo was a grandson filled with pain when he heard the news. He, too, felt sadness and pain. Although I have not known Theo for that long, I still pray for him, his family, and his pappou (grandfather in Greek). I lost my grandmother nine years ago and I remember the day like it was yesterday. I know it is hard, but it will only get easier. The love will never go away, just like the memories. I am here for you Theo, and I hope our friendship will only grow.

Everyone dies. But this doesn't mean that it is easy to watch someone die or live with a death. It affects everyone, even if they didn't directly know the person who passed away. I did not know Theo's pappou, nor Louie's dad, but I do know Louie and Theo. This stressful, sad week has taught me many different lessons. I have learned to value life and those around me more. I cherish the moments I spend with those I love and save the memories. I have learned that memories truly are eternal and I try to share this with Louie and Theo. I have learned that friends and family are critical to those dealing with a loss. I have reached out to both of them and have prayed every day. I cry for them and feel pain, but I know that I need to be strong for them in case they choose to turn to me. I love you Louie and Theo and am sorry for your losses. Just remember, they are looking down at you from Heaven, urging you to continue on with your life. And also remember that they are only gone if you dismiss them from your life. Keep them in your heart, in your mind. remember all the memories you had and cherish them. But remember to make new memories with friends and family. Just as Louie stated, make them your inspiration and make them proud.

Terrill Swift

Terrill Swift was a member of the "Englewood Four," a group of men who were wrongfully convicted of the rape and murder of a Chicago woman in 1994. They had each "accidentally" confessed to the murder, sending them each to jail. Terrill Swift along with the other three males were all exonerated.

At first, I thought, "How can someone accidentally confess or give a fake confession? What idiot would do this?!" I didn't understand. Yes, they obviously were under pressure, but it didn't make sense until Swift told his story. He was manipulated into signing a sheet of paper which stated the confession. They would not allow him to go home, until he signed it. So he obviously did. . . . without reading what it was. Swift emphasized that this was his biggest mistake, that it cost him fifteen years of his life and advised us to READ THE FINE PRINT from then on. He didn't exactly confess himself, but was rather tricked. I find it so cruel that someone would go to these measures just to convict a man of a name that had been mentioned by one the other three members of the "Englewood Four." Realistically, I know that I will not read all the FINE PRINT so to speak, but I will be more conscious of this type of manipulation. I will look at the contract before signing, but I know that I will not take the time and be patient to read everything. I hope my peers learn from his mistake and I hope that they will not make a silly mistake, costing them years of their life in prison.

I reflect upon what Swift said, and I am still awe stricken. I never realized how much the world changes in fifteen years, and I never realized that that is almost how many years I have been alive. In the past fifteen years so much has happened. In 2000, a new millenium began. In 2001, the Twin Towers and the United States were attacked. Troops were sent to Iraq and recently came back. The first iPod and touch screen were made. Apple macs along with other high-tech materials were introduced. The first black president was elected in the US. Osama Bin Laden was caught. To come back to a completely different lifestyle is challenging, especially on parole. He explained that if he was two steps away from his destination, he would be arrested or questioned. To not have the freedom to explore the new world is very hard. And to also have to re establish social skills makes it even harder. Swift lost 15 years of his life, along with opportunities all because of a signature. I hope to learn from Swift and to value each day I live in society.

White Like Me

Tim Wise's chapter "Privilege" is a collection of stories and instances from his life where he feels he has felt more privileged than blacks. He describes how being white was beneficial and a bonus in every situation, that if he was black he would be treated more differently and harsher. He talks about his experience at elementary school and how racism was still evident, even if he didn't notice it right away.  It was there, and would always be present no matter the age or no matter how hard someone tried to ignore the difference of race. But what I found intriguing was that the colored students noticed the racism because they lived through it. Wise reflected upon that one day at recess when he played monkey in the middle football and said, "They were able to make me not only a nigger, but their nigger. . . Today Tim, you the nigger. Today, you will be the one who gets to jump and run, and huff and puff. Today we laugh, and not with you, but at you. We like you and all that, but today, you belong to us" (26). His friends had those few moments of power each time they played, but for the rest of their lives the power was instilled within the whites. That was the reality though. Whites unconsciously thought more highly of themselves and unconsciously didn't recognize racism at a young age like blacks. Wise thought of it as a privilege to be white, he got the better "version" of life, so to speak.

As Wise grew older, the idea of white superiority became more pronounced. He clearly saw that it was a privilege to be white, but here is where I disagree. He shared how drama and the debate club were mainly white and how the white teams were overall better. This may be true at instances, but I feel as if he looked too much into both experiences. Not to be stereotypical, but not that many blacks act or are on the debate team. There obviously are some blacks in both activities, but the majority are white. Therefore, white actors usually get the lead roles, which I believe is not racist. Tim Wise had a passion for acting, was good at it, and grew up with his dad as an actor by his side. Thus, he was the lead roles in plays. And for the debate team, blacks usually don't enter into this type of activity. However, there are black teams that are successful. The all black Wiley College Debate team of the 1930s beat the top white debate team due to their drive, determination, passion, and motivation. The Wiley College Debate Team just shows how race does not matter at some instances and that anyone can be successful if they work towards it.

What I agree with and find intriguing is that Wise was correct about police action regarding drugs and alcohol. I find that many police officers remain stereotypical and would pull over a beat up car, believing a black man was inside driving. I find it very true and unfair to blacks that officers treat blacks this way, but I guess they are just trying to keep the community safe. It may seem racist to say this, but blacks do seem to be in more crimes than whites. Therefore, I find the officers' actions to be justifiable. I am not racist, but I do prefer whites over blacks. Key word used - PREFER. As Wise shared, many others feel the same way. I guess being white did give him an advantage when he was under the influence, which I find unfair. Police officers should not have let him or his friends go, but hold back the blacks. I would find it more reasonable if they arrested both, but more readily or often blacks. But to let them off the hook is dangerous because they could be just as big of a threat as a black man. I feel as if police officers today are much more fair and do not bypass whites as easily. If they break the law, the break the law. They are more strict, but I do believe that Wise's experiences still circulate the air today, just not as often. Whites are still let off the hook more than blacks, but I guess its just a part of life, a part of racism. I do not believe racism will ever disappear fully and I do not believe this white privilege will ever diminish either. That is the sad reality, but we can always try.

Second Semester Senior

Dear last semester of high school,

I have senioritus. Not a bad case of senioritus, but nonetheless a case. I go home,  not wanting to do homework, not wanting to do anything actually. I feel so lazy. I want to slack so much, but teachers are still so tough and demanding. Why? Why are our expectations so high? It's senior year, what do they expect? Straight A's? Ok yeah, it is Deerfield and we are academically strong, but its SENIOR YEAR! So stop expecting so much out of me mom and dad! I'm supposed to have fun these last few months. Enjoy my time with my friends. I should be checked out. I truly am not though. Those two AP classes are brutal and making me bust my ass. And to just drop them or slack in them would look so bad. So thanks senior year, I still don't have the social life I wanted my last few months. Sweeeeeeet. So ap bio and ap eng, please give me a break...

Looooove,
Jell

Hidden Bias

The Race IAT test was not able to give me an interpretation of my data due to my many errors. Therefore, I cannot speak to my results. But I can write about my experience. I believed this test was very stressful. For the first two surveys I didn't even understand what I was doing so I understand why my results were uninterpretable. And once I understood what I was doing, I was very frustrated and shaken up. I would often mix up what the "e" and "i" stood for. I also found the questions before and after to not be necessary because the interpretation should only be based upon the data received from taking the test. Discussing with my peers different interpretations, few people seemed pleased. Someones interpretation of data told them that they moderately to strongly prefer European American to African American and she was appalled! She does not find that to be true at all, and frustrated her a lot. Someone else was told that they preferred African Americans to European Americans and she too was surprised to be in the 6%. I was not surprised with the breakdown of the interpretations though because many people still do have bias feelings, but just don't let them influence their every day behavior.

What I gained from this experience, is that this test did not label someone racist or not. what I find important for people to realize is that this test interpreted data, telling you what you prefer. Just because you prefer a white person over a black person, it does not mean you are racist. It just means you feel more comfortable with one more than the other. I definitely see that I prefer whites over blacks, but I am not racist. I do not hate blacks. I can also say how I prefer Greeks over Jews because I am Greek. It doesn't mean anything. I don't hate Jews, in fact I live in a Jewish-dominated neighborhood. People need to understand that this just told each test taker what they preferred and not whether or not they were racist.

Columbine #5 - Judgment Day

I felt that this was a good conclusion to the novel. Everyhting was tied up and presented appropriately. All the information and research was used in the novel and now conclusions were made. Detectives found the motive to be psychopathy. They had left journals, sites, and even tapes called the basement tapes. Everything was left, they wanted people to know why they had done it. It was no mystery. I again find this very sick and disturbing because most people would want it to be a mystery and seem innocent, with no connection to the scene. But Eric was a psychopath and Dylan feeded off of him so Eric was already messed up psychologically. According to doctors, his brain scan would even turn up different. So I guess he doesn't need a reason. He is a psychopath.

What I loved about the end of the novel is that God became more prevalent. The community turned to God to cope and became more religious. Faith was strengthened and the community united. The God inside of everyone came out. Rachel, known as the martyr, helped other students/witnesses/victims turn to God and believe. People began praying in groups, holding hands. This is very powerful, showing that God is always there waiting for you to reach out for him. However, many questioned God and asked why this had to happen. I found this normal becuase it is human for us to question, but to curse God is the worse sin. No one blamed God in Columbine, but asked for support. Faith grew in this town.

Every book I finish, never answers all my questions. I ask this main question to the world: How do friends, family, the community not notice the signs of a killer and how can they ignore them? I have watched so many depression and suicide videos that I am to recognize the signs and do something about it. How were they not able to see that Eric was so dark and saw humans as his specimen? And how did Dylan's parents not notice his drinking habits? How were Eric's vandalizing and bullying actions forgotten so easily? I guess friends and family would answer that they didn't think it was too serious. And I believe the world needs to be educated so we don't disregard actions and feelings like these again. If we are educated, we might be able to prevent another crime like this.

Columbine #4 - Take Back the School

In the fourth part of the novel, I was introduced to a new theory regarding why Eric and Dylan wanted to kill. Psychopathy. One word to explain almost all of it. After all the investigating, conclusions were made that he was not normal, but neither was he insane. He was a psychopath. Doctors studying the boys and psychopathy discovered that this is what drove them to kill. They found emotions fascinating. They had random outbursts. They feel like they are a different being. They find pleasure out of killing. They operate like robots. Just like we devour a turkey, Eric and Dylan find humans to be their specimens. Eric had almost all the signs: "gratuitous lying, indifference to the pain of others, defiance of authority figures, unresponsiveness to reprimands or threatened punishment, petty theft, persistent aggression, cutting classes and breaking curfew, cruelty to animals, early experimentation with sex, and vandalism and setting fires" (242). Eric had bragged about nine of the ten in his journal and web site. He also didn't have a plan for his future. And what is interesting is that Dylan feeds off Eric. Eric, the psychopath was in control of course, but Dylan the sidekick can hold his excitement for the big day. They made a great duo. They both found horror to be intellectual.

So I questioned in other posts their motive and why and how. This is the answer. I, along with the rest of the world found their deed to be sick. Well it was. He was a psychopath, he didn't have feelings most the time and saw humans as specimens. I guess I now understand, but it still puts me in awe. How could this take over someone so easily and control them? It makes sense, but I don't want to believe that there are many psychopaths out there because there is no cure. What if there is a psychopath at Deerfield? We already had bomb threats, what if the actual thing happened? All it needs is one angry psychopath like Eric who has a friend like Dylan.

Columbine #3 - The Downward Spiral

In this post I want to focus on how the Columbine community turned to God. There were many congregations held and people began to turn more to God for answers, support, courage, etc. The Reverend even tried returning prayer to public schools. What I found most interesting is that the community began calling Rachel, a victim, a martyr. Craig told the story of how a killer had her at point blank with a gun and asked if she believed in God. Without hesitating and not begging for her life she said "Yes, I believe in God." She knew he wasn't religious and that her chances of living were low, but she still did not betray God. Newspapers and the media referred to her as a martyr. And her parents were proud of her. Yes, they wished she had begged for him to spare her life, but they "can't think a more honorable way to die than to profess your faith in God" (181). She became a figure for other students to look up to. Shame of the Lord is unworthy and a sin. I find Rachel inspiring. I am religious, but not very.  I do go to church some Sundays, but some I just wish I had stayed home. I always tend to forget to turn to God when I am suffering or need help. I turn to Him when I think of Him. I want to be able to start praying straight to God, to let him into my life. I want to have her bravery and faith. And most importantly, I never want to curse God and want to stop using his name in vain. This will easily bring me closer to Him and will help me. In English we are reading and discussing  The Book of Job and this scene in Columbine reminded me of Job and how despite everything, Job never cursed God. He had everything taken away from him, but he never betrayed Him. Columbine and Job's stories are very moving and inspire me to strengthen my relationship with God.

Columbine #2 - After and Before

This section of the novel focused on the aftermath of the massacre. How did the community react? What were the implications? What was the motif? And was there a specific target? This section was full of questions. And the biggest question was the WHY. 

The media at first took every piece of information. The calls recieved during the massacre were used, along with the never-ending interviews. Each student became a witness to the investigation, the words became interchangable. The media not only was trying to decipher what had happened, but also how it changed the community. Littleton united; they asked questions, mourned together, and wept together. Cullen describes their expressions as "vacant," like they didn't know what to feel. I believe this occured from the shock. There were also so many emotions inside, that they didn't know how to show them; they were angry, confused, scared, sad, tired, and surprised all at the same time. Friends and family were still missing, and even worse, some were dead. Some were left in the school lying on the floor, or even outside on the pavement. Some were in hospitals recieving treatment. Some crowded around hospital patients for comfort and others crowded around the premises of the crime scene. Rachel, a student killed, had flowers placed all around her car in the parking lot and students would gather around and weep together. Littleton underwent a dramatic change.

Many professionals were brought to the crime scene; the FBI, local police officers, detectives, therapists, psychologists, and more. Many questions were brought to the thinking table: Should they rebuild the school to the way it was or remodel? Which would shock the students more? How could they help families cope with the tragic event? How would they interview everyone? How would detectives and the media create a conclusion from the facts provided? Where would the students now go to school? Who had died? Who were the killers and conspirators? What was their motif? All these brains were trying to answer these questions. They researched, interviewed, and searched Dylan and Eric's homes and were able to make some conclusions, but the case was never over.

The common description of the killers was that they were wearing trench coats. This led students to believe they were a part of the Trench Coat Mafia (TCM), a group of students who wanted to make a statement. However, Eric and Dylan were not from the TCM, but only adapted the trench coats for the dark look and convenience because they easily stored many weapons. They confused the audience with these trenchcoats and made them seem like gothic and isolated loners who hated jocks, the common stereotype of shooters. I think this was smart for what they were doing becuase they were disguised and played a different role, like a movie! 

The more research they did, the more detectives found. Eric left behind journals explaining why he had put together this massacre and how he did it. There were sketches and reflections. He wanted them to find this. What I found interesting is that his past and childhood reflected upon his actions. Eric harassed an old friend Books who apparently betrayed him. Brooks had leaked information to Eric's parents about Eric and Eric was furious. He began vandalizing Brooks' home and encouraged others to do so as well on his website. He provided him with the address and described Brooks as an "asshole." Brooks was one of the people he harassed and vandalized. Everything slowly came together for the investigators.

I am eager to read the next section because I believe that they will reveal what was actually in Eric's journals. Why did he want to do this? How did he do this? And how did he convince Dylan to join him? Had Dylan chose to do this? How much input did Dylan have? After reading this section of many questions, more questions are raised.

Columbine #1--Female Down

April 20, 1999, a tragic day, a day full of fear, doubt, blood, tears, surprise, rejoice, hope, smiles, and unity. I didn't know much about this day. I was five years old, therefore I don't remember anything and I never researched it. All I knew was that it was one of the biggest, planned, and surprising school shootings in the nation. This novel by Dave Cullen has taught me about the school shooting, and has reeled me in with every page I have read so far. The suspense and historical aspect intrigues me so much.

I really liked the opening to the novel. It provided a type of foreshadow to the big shooting. The principal gathered the school for an assembly to remind them to make wise choices during homecoming weekend. He wanted to see everyone's faces the next morning on Monday. By being proactive and making this speech, he reminded the school that they were a family. He didn't want any tragic stories, he wanted everyone to return back to their family, Columbine. His speech was so touching and heart-warming, yet effective, that it truly set the rest of the novel up. It set up the novel for the tragic, surprise school shooting.

Next, the novel focused on two figures, Eric and Dylan. These were the school shooters. No one would have known. They were so-called normal high school kids. Eric was described as a "cool brain. he smoked, he drank, he dated. He got invited to parties. He got high. he worked his look hard. . . He broke the rules, tagged himself with the nickname reb, but did his homework and earned himself a slew of As. And he got chicks. Lots and lots of chicks" (6). Eric seems normal, not depressed, not angry, not crazy. He was a normal high schooler with responsibilities that also knew how to have fun! Then there was Dylan who was "meek, self-conscious, and authentically shy. he could barely speak in front of a stranger, especially a girl. . . Dylan Klebold was a brain, too, but not quite so cool. . . He saw the worst version of himself" (7). Dylan beat himself up and wasn't like Eric, yet they were still best friends. Dylan is just shyer, especially with Eric by his side. But none of this shows that he could have been a shooter. They were two typical kids. When Cullen was  introducing them, it was just so hard to picture them conspiring against the whole school, against their friends. How did they come to this? Why did they want to do this? How did they hide everything?

The next thing that surprised me were the plans for the "Judgment Day." How did two kids, at the age of 17 plan such a horrific event? How did they plan it so detailed? They truly thought about everything. How to make the bombs, where to set them, when to trigger them, how the day would pass. They split their plan into three phases. The first, which never occurred due to dumb errors, was a bomb in the commons, acting as a decoy. They had detailed drawings of everything. Eric was the mastermind to this plan and even wanted to "watch the library and its inhabitants crash down upon the flaming lunchers" (33). Phase two was the phase Eric and Dylan were "savoring. It was also when they expected to die. They had little hope of witnessing act 3" (34). They would be firing at classmates and teachers point blank. This would be the killing spree they had been wanting and planning for the past year and a half, and they weren't going to mess it up. Everything was perfectly planned, down to the minute. I would turn the page and only 3 minutes had gone by on that day. Everything was in increments, so carefully planned. It amazed me how two kids could plan this so well, by themselves. HOW??? And how did they follow through with it? The killing seemed so casual, so mechanical. Cullen wrote how they "shared a whole lot of hoots and howls and hearty laughs. What a freaking wild time" (46). To find it as a fun time, is disturbing! Killing people is fun?? But how? And how did they seem so normal on the outside, if they are clearly messed up kids who have the desire to kill?

What struck me though were all the different reactions. The police were in awe and trying to label the situation and take hold of it. They tried to hold themselves together in order to support the community and control the situation. Most parents were a wreck, trying to find out if their children were alive. To be in a parent's shoes at that time would be heart-breaking and nerve-wrecking. All the parent could do is wait. Then there are the children inside, panicking, trying to find cover, trying to make sense of what is happening. Many called the police and news reporters to tell them information. So many were injured, some even dead. But throughout the whole shooting, the teachers were supportive and led the students to safety. This reminded me of all the fire drills throughout the year. The teachers and students have to take them seriously because you never know what will happen, just like those at Columbine didn't know.

My first impression of this novel, after reading the first section is awe and amazement, along with sadness. How can two students plan such an act and commit such a deed?

HAPPY NEW YEAR

When I was younger, my family and I would go around the dinner table on New Years and say a resolution. Often, I even had a list written out and at the end of each year, I would check off what I had accomplished, what I was still striving for, and goals that needed to be refined for the new year. This year I returned to this tradition and hopefully I will have an amazing year of accomplishments. 

Some of my resolutions--May seem typical, but this will suffice for an amazing year.

1. Stay focused in school, and ignore the senioritus. Do not procrastinate.
2. Study hard, achieving straight As.
3. Help my family around the house by doing chores.
4. Stay close with my friends and family.
5. Keep working and saving money, in order to go on vacation.
6. Get closer to my church youth group and God.
7. LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE

My mom also has shared stories with me of her New Years Day tradition in her family growing up. My pappou (grandpa in Greek) would have all his children do chores, work, read, study, etc. All day they would stay busy around the house or doing homework. My pappou would have them do this because he believed that whatever you did the first day of the year, you did for the rest of the year. So in order to have a successful year, they needed to start it off by doing everything right.